Do You Think That These Are The Best Solutions For Your Problem?

Counselling: Managing Anger and Stress

The tongue is the armor of the heart. It guards one's life. Loud talk, long talk, wild talk, talk full of anger and hatred all these affect the hearts of man. They breed anger and hate in man. They wound, they excite, they enrage, they estrange.

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Get Hitched In Style In Gold Coast Australia

Getting hitched can be stressful. Just think of couples you know that separated due to the stress of organizing their own wedding. That said, you can avoid the stress and just enjoy your days toward your wedding day by choosing a wedding coordinator to do it all for you.

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Taking Wisely the Counsel of the Years

IMPORTANCE is relative. The counsel of the years tells us that what we think is worth getting upset over now we will probably laugh about in a decade. Yet those things that might concern us a decade from now, as we look at them now, confuse us as to exactly how to handle them.

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Dating in Retirement

Our need to emotionally bond does not change with aging as some have suggested. We will evaluate for different character traits when dating in retirement. But, the course of romance remains the same. Here are some suggestions to get you started.

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An Overview of Dating Services

A "dating service" is a widely used term to include a huge number of companies, websites and match making groups who extend a helping hand to people in their efforts to locate probable romantic partners. Some of these companies work on the basis of location and nationality, while others focus on religion or just lifestyle compatibility. One can say that these are an extension of the traditional systems of matchmaking.

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My Spouse Wants Me To Be Patient During Our Separation, But I'm Finding That Nearly Impossible

"My husband pushed for a separation for almost a year before I finally gave in. So you have to understand that we've been going through this process for longer than the amount of time that we have actually been separated - which is just a little over four months. I feel like we have made a little progress while separated, but my husband feels that there is much more that needs to happen before we can reconcile. He is telling me that I must be patient. But I have to tell you that I am not a patient person. It is not in my psychological make up. I have a job in which decisions are made in milliseconds. I sprint for stress relief. Speed is almost a high for me. I am not one to sit still or watch TV or read a book. And my husband already knows this about me. I have explained this to him, but his attitude is that I must find a way to be patient because he will not be rushed. How am I supposed to be patient? That is like asking a vegetarian to eat steak."

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20 Types of People to Truly Encourage, Affirm and Love

THERE are still too many in our richer First World societies that have had life so comfortably good - who have never had it bad - that cannot empathise with another portion of the world that have rarely had it good - or who have had it so bad it transformed them. The vulnerable deserve our encouragement, affirmation and love. These are just some who deserve every bit our encouragement, affirmation and love.

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What Can I Do When My Spouse Is Considering A Separation? Is There A Way To Prevent It?

"About two weeks ago, my husband told me that he is considering a separation. Honestly, his personality has changed over the last six months. It is as if one day he came home from work as a different person. My normally laid back and relaxed husband is now uptight and critical. Every tiny thing seemed to set him off. Nothing I did made him happy. He seems pretty determined that a separation is what he wants. But I am equally determined that a separation is not what I want. And it infuriates me that my children do not get a say in this. What can I do?"

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Why Date Night Is Important to Your Marriage

This article discusses the importance of spending regular quality time with your spouse. There are many time consuming challenges that married couples face, therefore the concept of date night is the perfect way to continually work on your long-term committed relationship.

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Have You Tried Online Dating?

Have you dated online? Thinking about online dating? See what I have to say and share your thoughts.

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We're Separated And My Husband Has Asked To Talk, What Might It Mean?

"I haven't seen my husband face-to-face in about six weeks. I was always wanting to communicate during our separation. But he wasn't. He did the whole 'I need space' bit and seemed to want me to keep my distance. I was very determined in the beginning. I kept calling and trying even when it felt like he was rejecting me all of the time. Eventually, I got the hint and I told him that I would wait for him to reach out to me and not bug him anymore. Well, last night, my husband called me. After making small talk for a few minutes, my husband indicated that he wanted to meet for drinks because he said 'we need to talk.' He did not indicate what he wants to talk about. My fantasy is that he is now reaching out to me because he misses me. But he could just as easily say that he wants a divorce. I don't know what to expect. I am tempted to call him and ask, but I worry that doing that would mess everything up. What are you supposed to expect when your separated husband tells you that you need to talk?"

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Charging Ahead With Your Head When Your Heart Lags Behind

In particular relation to forgiveness, when we cast our nets, looking for a catch of healing, we often cast them to the wrong side for a while. And we catch nothing but more anger and resentment. Our nets are our capacity to resolve the crisis that has swarmed into and commandeered our lives. Our casting is our effort. Our nets are designed to help us get through. Our casting merely needs to be directed in the right direction; in the right place - there we will find what we have been looking for for a long time now.

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The Attitude of Love In Observable Behaviour

LOVE is not a feeling, but more an action; something observable rather than simply an attitude. Not many would disagree. Sure, we might feel 'in love' or find ourselves loving something or somebody, but real love, when it is analysed, is much less about emotion than it is about action.

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What Is Love? Let Us Give Love A Definition

Defining love has been one of the most difficult tasks. Every definition, in a way, it seems that lacks something. Let us try to give it a frame!

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Secrects of Successful Marriage

Encircled in the whirlpool of life, we continuously experience tumults and turbulent, shaking our resoluteness and shattering our strength, but the courage to face the challenges of life is gained with the help of those who love us and care for us. Since the childhood to the old age, a number of relations like parents, siblings, friends etc. accompany us.

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Befuddlement and Confusion

Right when it seems that everything is on the right track traveling down the river of life at a safe but progressive speed, befuddlement and confusion tend to enter the drift. It may be a sudden decision that arises seemingly without warning, a change in the current upon which a family flows, or simply an idiosyncrasy of the moment. Some heal or adjust course almost immediately, others wait for the rapids, and some just never get with the same direction again, selecting a dead-end, no end channel to nowhere.

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Relationships: Is It Important To Take Responsibility For How We Feel?

If one was to think about someone they appreciate, there is a strong chance that they will end up feeling 'good'. Yet, if they were to think about someone who presses their buttons, for instance, they are unlikely to have the same emotional experience.

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How Do You Keep Your New Guy Interested?

When you first start dating a new guy, you are discovering all sorts of things about each other which make it an exciting time. But what happens after that initial getting to know each other stage is over, how do you keep your new guy interested?

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How Long Does It Take Most Separated Couples To Reconcile? What Time Frame Is Best?

When is a reconciliation most likely to occur? That is the million dollar question. Someone might ask: "statistically speaking, when do most separated couples reconcile? When is it considered to be the best time? My husband and I have been separated for about six weeks. The first couple of weeks were pretty much disastrous. We barely spoke and when we did speak, we fought. Very slowly, we became somewhat more cordial to one another. Now, when we talk or on the rare occasions we see one another, it seems to go well for us. I'm at the point where I am starting to get antsy to reconcile. I just feel like if we wait longer, we will start to drift apart even more and we might never do it then. But some of my friends are telling me that it is going to be a mistake to pressure my husband. What do you think? When is the best time frame for a reconciliation?"

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Are There Any Tactics Which Would Make My Husband Give Me Another Chance?

"I will admit that I have always had trouble with lies. Most of the time, my lies don't really end up being hurtful. But sometimes, they do. Recently, I neglected to pass on information that my husband's family asked me to share. Frankly, I forgot about it and then, because I did not want to not look stupid, I told my husband that they never gave me the information. He found the email I deleted. I tried to feign ignorance, but my husband has dealt with my lies for years and so he could be pretty certain that there was no misunderstanding. I simply lied. He told me that he can no longer live with someone who lies constantly. He packed a bag and left. I heard from him a couple of days later and he is staying with one of our friends. I told him that I would change and that I would see a counselor to stop my lying. He said he doesn't believe me because I always lie and now I'm just making promises to trick him into coming back. I am truly serious about changing. How can I get him to give me another chance?"

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My Husband Agreed When I Threatened Him With Divorce, What Now?

"For the past two years, our marriage has gone from bad to worse. When my husband lost his father, it hit him very hard. He started ignoring me at home and just being a bad husband. He was sarcastic and almost mean-spirited. He challenged me when I told him that he was going down a troubling path. I have told him repeatedly that I am at the end of my rope with my marriage. I have told him that he has to change. But all of this fell on deaf ears. I told him that I wanted a divorce because I felt that our marriage was too far gone. I honestly was playing a game because I fully expected for him to beg me not to do this and to promise that he would change. Much to my shock, he came back to me after a couple of hours and announced that I was right and that he agreed with me. I didn't know what to say. I was stunned. What do I do now?"

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Turn an Unhealthy Relationship Into a Healthy Relationship - 3 Easy Tips

3 simple ways to turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy relationship, even after cheating, break up, or other major relationship issues. These tips help couples who want to stay together or get back together, but can't seem to fix the broken relationship. Stop reliving the same problems. Learn to fight less and love more, before it's too late.

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Tips On How To Carry Yourself On The First Date: For Women

First dates are usually stressful. They are even more stressful for women. If you are a lady and you are going for your first date, here are a few tips on how you should carry yourself: Be Punctual If your date isn't picking you up, you should never show up late. Show that you are mature and serious with the relationship by arriving early. If you are caught up in traffic, you should call him and let him know that you are on your way. If your date is picking you up at your house, you should be ready when he arrives-you shouldn't keep him waiting for you.

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Relationship Goals

"All achievements, whether in the business, intellectual, or spiritual world, are the result of definitely directed thought." James Allen. If you are like most couples you probably spent many hours, months and possible years thinking about and planning your wedding. I would strongly encourage and invite you to put some energy into thinking about and planning your life together.

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We Are All Faceless Entities in The World, Sooner or Later

Man is a social animal. Is he scared of loneliness? A social get-together is no cure for loneliness. We often feel lonely in a crowd. We are all faceless entities after death. Even God is faceless. Within a family, we may know the names of our grandparents, but most of us don't know the names of our great-grandparents. Millions of Kings have reigned all over the earth, since evolution of man-kind. Who remembers them? They all are faceless entities. Socializing within humanity implies interaction between two imperfect persons. It is vulnerable to ego clashes, separations, divorces. Socializing with God is more fruitful, as He will always hold our hand, under all circumstances.

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The 3 Most Importance Aspects to a Successful, Lasting Marriage

A successful marriage is not a subject of myths and fairy tales but instead of a very obtainable result. All great marriages have 3 core relationship traits in common. Here is a brief overview of creating a marriage your friends will be jealous of.

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Old School Love: Where Has It Gone?

Are you tired of getting into relationships that go nowhere? Maybe you need to change your bait in order to catch the kind of love you want.

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Left Alone With Just a Memory

They're gone, it's over, the end... someone you love has left and all you can feel is loneliness; there's nothing left to feel. Life becomes surreal when you lose someone you love. Overwhelming emotions surface when someone who said they would always stay, or a child you believed would be there to your end is suddenly gone. They're gone and you are left there all alone; even if others are close at hand, you feel all alone.

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Some Safety Tips to Follow While Dating Online

Online dating can help you find the perfect mate of your life, but you should also stay a little conscious because everyone on the web is not genuine. It is obvious that these sites work as online forums where men and women meet to visualize their dreams of finding the right match.

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Talking About My Feelings During Our Marital Separation Makes Things Worse

"I have always been honest with my husband about how I feel. We've always been able to talk openly. Until about six months ago when my husband decided that he was not happy in our marriage. At that time, he moved out and announced that we were separated. I expected gradual progress followed by a reconciliation. I've been disappointed that this is not what has happened. Recently, I told him how much this has hurt me. I told him how scared I was. I told him that I was disappointed that something as subjective as not being happy would cause him to abandon me and his responsibilities. I told him it was time to be an adult. He got angry about this. I know that honestly sometimes hurts. So last night, I opened my heart again. Today, my husband is not answering my calls. I don't understand this. I thought you were supposed to be honest about your true feelings with your spouse, especially when you were having troubles. But this is making things worse for me. Why? And does this means that I'm not supposed to share my feelings anymore?"

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Changing Your Last Name After Swapping Wedding Rings

Getting married is one of the most awesome things you will ever do in your entire life. Not only will you be eternally bonded with the love of your life, you will also get to throw a massive party in your honor!

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My Husband Is A Bad Boy - I Used To Love It, But Now It Drives Me Crazy

"When I met my husband, his hair was down his back and he drove a motorcycle. He was older than me, so he never went to my high school. My parents felt that he was very irresponsible, would never grow up, and would never amount to anything. In some ways, their concerns were justified. We ended up getting married because I became pregnant. Today, his hair is shorter, but he still favors leather jackets and he would still be what you'd consider a bad boy. He still smokes and occasionally drinks. He doesn't take anything from anyone and he will rarely compromise. I would say that he's a better father than anyone gives him credit for, but he's not always the best husband. He isn't overly sweet except when he surprises me on rare occasions. When we argue about everyday tasks that adults have to think about, I feel nothing but frustration toward him. I am starting to think that marrying a bad boy was a huge mistake. I am starting to think that bad boys won't ever make good husbands."

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Girls for Sale: The South-East Asian Matimony

Imagine yourself just shopping. Going over all the stores with their neatly arranged items ready to be bought. You buy some to your wants and overlook all the others you don't. Could you, now, possibly imagine human beings being there instead of those mere objects? The disgusting idea, however, is what is just short of what happens during a marriage in south-east Asian countries.

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Online Match Making - The Revived And Repackaged Avatar

Love and romance makes the world a place worthy of living. Relationships are the cornerstones of a healthy life and a good society. However, the means is equally important as the end and how a relationship starts and evolves determines the quality of life. People are making big noises about online dating and match making service. They think that it is a great place to start. The author points out how old are the concept itself.

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When Is the Right Time to Say I Love You in a New Relationship?

That feeling of being in love, when your heart is all of a flutter every time you think of him, you can't eat or sleep properly and your every waking thought is filled with him, is a truly magical feeling. But how do you know if he is feeling the same?

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How To Talk To Girls: Getting Over Approach Anxiety

The thought of approaching a total stranger can be pretty intimidating, especially when you are first learning how to talk to girls. However, knowing the right mindsets and a couple of techniques can mean the difference between searching Craigslist's "missed connections" section and searching for a good location for your first date.

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I Feel Like My Husband Is Never Satisfied With Me - He Never Makes Me Feel Good Enough

"When I met my husband, he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. No one had seen me in the way that he did and perhaps that is why I was absolutely addicted to being around him. He gave me more confidence and I loved it. But now, it's like he is determined to rip that confidence away from me. Because he knows me better than anyone else, he is able to point out all of the things that are wrong with me. I admit that I don't look exactly as I did on our wedding day, but who does? I do make a huge effort, but there's an aging process that you can't always stop in its tracks. I'm apparently not blonde enough or thin enough. I apparently don't make enough money and am not as interesting as women that my husband works with. Every weekend, we used to spend the entire time together. Now, my husband always invites friends and family along - as if it's not enough to be with just me. As if I'm not good enough to keep his attention the whole time. This is hurting me so much."

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The Undeniable Truth About Your Fairy Tale Marriage

Do your hopes and dreams for your marriage line up with reality? Perhaps your marriage isn't turning out how you expected and you feel like you were lied to. I have listed some truths about your marriage to help set the record straight.

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Are You His Friend Or His Lover?

You meet a really great man and you feel an instant bond between the two of you. As each day passes, you can just feel the attraction between you and you know that this relationship is definitely different.

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When We Say We Know People, We Really Just Know the Outline

Even though we may purport to know people, when it comes to the deep-down soul searching for understanding, we really just know the outline. I know my co-workers at work but I do not know them in their homes. I know my spouse when we are together but I do not know every aspect of his thinking even then and after 40+ years and I cannot precisely determine his thoughts, actions, or reactions. So is this good or bad?

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5 Online Dating Tips for Those Seeking Love Online

Many people find online dating less intimidating and a more enjoyable method to get involved in the dating scene. It makes it easy to be specific in regards to the qualities preferred in a potential partner.

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Mantra For Happiness: Acceptance of Imperfection in Others, And No Expectations!

1. We all want happiness. Happiness is a state of mind, during our journey of life. We need to achieve it in our daily life. It is not the goal of our life, which we will discover in the end. * Mathematically, Happiness = (Number of fulfilled desires)/(Total number of fulfilled and unfulfilled desires). How can we increase our happiness? Increase the numerator or decrease the denominator.

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Some Solid and Pragmatic Tips to Stay Safe on Matrimonial Sites

In the contemporary times, to have simpler routines for getting married, youthful people register themselves on different online wedding destinations. These digital locales empower people to discover match for their marriages. Before enlisting onto these wedding locales, it is imperative for all to check certifications and the credibility of the site.

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The Heart of a Flying Tiger

We all come into the world defenseless and dependant on other human beings. Babies rely on their mothers, special needs children are dependant on humanitarian assistance, and defenseless farmers may need military heroes to protect them. A chance meet of such a hero occurred recently, giving cause for reflection on just how special these earthly angels truly are, and how much we need each them in life.

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My Husband Keeps Leaving Me And Coming Back, Should I Just Give Up?

"My husband left me last week. If this had happened five years ago, I would probably be panicking and beside myself. But I have been through all of this before. He's actually left me multiple times. And then he comes back and we follow the same cycle over and over again. I'm not panicked this time because it's hard for me to believe that he won't eventually come back. But I also know that he will eventually leave all over again. I have gotten so tired of this cycle. I can never disagree or fight with him because if I do, it will eventually turn into a disagreement worthy of him leaving me. I am getting so sick of this. I don't want a divorce. That is why I always take him back. I don't want to hurt our kids in that way. But I am honestly at the point where I want to take the initiative and stop this cycle myself. And the only way that I know how to do this is to get a divorce. It's not really what I want. But I also know that we can not go on like this."

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The Love of My Life

The terms "love of my life" and "soul mate" are thrown around much too casually. What do they really mean in a long-term relationship?

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Double Dating Tips: What A Couple Should Do When Out With Another Couple

A double date is fun way to hang out and get to know another couple more. Here are dating tips that serve as a friendly reminder for you whenever you and your beau are out with another couple. There are many friends who became distant and practically strangers the moment one they starting seeing people from the opposite sex. However, a good friendship should not be compromised just because you want to spend time with the person you love. Double dates allow couples to spend quality time together without having to sacrifice their time with friends. Having your couple friends with you can make the fun atmosphere even more enjoyable. On the other hand, there are a few things that should be considered when going out on a date with another couple. Here are some dating tips that might come in handy if ever you decided to go out on a double date.

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Become a Physically Attractive Woman

To attract men, you have to be physically attractive first. They say that physical beauty is only skin deep and the most important beauty is the beauty within. We cannot argue with that but still, physical beauty plays an important role when it comes to attracting men. While women are emotional beings, men are visual beings. You have to get him to notice you first before you could make him to like you.

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What Attracts Women the Most?

Just when we thought that tall, dark and handsome men are what attracts women the most, we will see men of average looks dating gorgeous women. Is it pure luck? Or are these women out of their mind? Well, it all comes down to attraction, not all handsome men have the qualities that attracts women and even average looking men can magnetize gorgeous women. So what attracts women the most?

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What Are the Top 7 Secrets of a Successful Relationship?

Why is it that some relationships are successful while others tend to fall apart even when you had made an effort to give your best? What are the key secrets to a successful relationship? It is important to know that building long term bonds are not easy and there are many factors that make them successful. You will need to constantly nurture your association, if you want it to be successful.

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Why Woman Love Ugly Guys

The guys I know who are the best with the ladies aren't the most physically attractive of my friends. How is this possible? Surely if a guy is amazingly good looking then he will have no trouble with the ladies right? Well get ready for a shock, as I am about to tell you something that may rock the very core of your being. Woman don't care how you look. Fact.

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The Five Golden Rules To Tinder

Tinder IS the greatest dating application since, well, forever. Never have my friends and I had so many dates in so short a time with little to no effort. The greatest thing about Tinder is that it allows you to essentially "speed date," you match with a girl, shoot a bit of banter back and forth, and get a date.

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Five Secrets To Charm

What is charm? And how does a man acquire this illusive quality. I believe charm to be the ability to evoke emotion in a girl that inspires her to swoon for you, and I also believe that you don't have to be a linguistic master to pull this off, rather it's what is going on inside of you that matters.

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First Date Outfit Tips for Women

First impression do last especially on a first date. One of the things that makes women anxious about first dates is thinking what to wear on their first date. Save yourself from the stress of thinking about your first date outfit with these first date outfit tips.

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Is Marriage Happiness An Impossible Dream?

Don't give up on your dream of living happily ever after. Marriage happiness is possible as long as you have the right perspective as outlined here!

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3 Tips to Make Men Fall for You

Maybe you are wondering why some women are successful in dating men and you probably wish you have a magic wand to make men fall for you too. Actually you do not need magic to make men fall head over heels for you. If you have the total package that men look for in a woman, you have the advantage over other women.

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Self-Love: How Can Someone Love Themselves?

When a person gets to a certain age, there is a strong likelihood that they will attend some kind of school. During this time, they will begin to learn about different areas of life and the kind of subjects that will allow them to function in today's world.

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Addressing The Distance After A Separated Spouse Finally Comes Home

"My husband and I were separated for almost seven months. It was a horrible time for our family. For my kid's sake, I downplayed it and I acted confident that he would come back soon. But I honestly had started to have my doubts. I never once completely gave up on my marriage. I actually pictured us having a second honeymoon of sorts. Unfortunately, this isn't how it all worked out. He is back. And I am thrilled about that. But it's pretty clear that he is less than happy to be here. He isn't really engaged with the family. He's loving to the kids and I'm glad. But he doesn't act the same way toward me. He's extremely distant and he pulls away every chance he gets. It's not like he's angry or that I have done anything wrong. It's just like he's participating as an outsider who doesn't seem invested. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he says that I expect too much. Will this get better? Will he stop being so distant to me?"

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And Spirit

As Americans our concerns for our well being are limited to physical and emotional pleasure in both the monetary success and gratifying our senses. Some-times we need a reminder to care for our spiritual souls too.

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How to Become a More Interesting Man

Every woman wants to be with an interesting guy. If you are not that interesting, you'll find it hard to attract women. So how to become a more interesting man?

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Dating After 40 for Men - Tips for Better Dating

Many men over the age of 40 are still single or newly single and most of them do not want to be one. Dating after 40 for men has its difficulties. Most middle-aged single men have family obligations, careers and emotional baggage that makes dating again difficult for them.

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Expeditious Advice

Expeditious advice is critical. It amazes me that sometimes those in charge feel that ruling with an iron, unwelding fist is the most productive process available. Slammed doors, cruel orders, and thoughtlessness towards group members seem absolutely non-productive to me.

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The Art of Attracting Mature Women - Tips for Younger Men

If you think mature women are no longer attractive, think again because not all men have their eyes on young women. Some men are attracted to mature women because of their independence and they are less likely to be clingy. Older women already know who they are, what they want, have more experiences, have more interesting stories, more confident and most importantly they are not dating to play games. There are men who prefer attracting mature women especially those who are ready to commit.

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How To Get A Girlfriend Online - 3 Steps To Online Love

Let's face it, every girl is online, so when clients ask "How to get a girlfriend online" I just say: "They are everywhere!"... Finding them is not the problem, attracting them is... So in this article I am going to take you through the three steps required to both find and attract those online girlfriends we all so badly want.

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Steps in Healing After Infidelity - What You Should Know to Survive an Affair

Infidelity is one of the most devastating and shocking experiences a marriage can go through. Whether a spouse confessed or caught having an affair, it is a bomb that could leave the other spouse emotionally paralyzed. But while infidelity is the most common reason for divorce it is not impossible for couples to make the marriage work after cheating. There are couples who were able to get through and survive after an affair. To repair a troubled relationship, it is important to know the steps in healing after infidelity.

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What I Did for Love

What does it really mean to be in love? What does it take to be in love? Here's a story about what we'll do for the one we love. There should be no limits.

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Love: Is It Worth a Battle?

Do you know why, when and how to fight for love? It's great if you do, but have you fought for yourself first?

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Love Is the Most Important Currency

It's very simple - if you give love you gather love! Whatever vibrations emulate from you are what others feel and they will respond accordingly. Whatever you want to receive from others, especially where love is concerned, you must first become the love you want from them. Looking for your soul mate? The become what you want in that person so you can attract them to you.

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My Separation Makes Me Even More Insecure And It Pushes My Husband Away

"I have always been a little insecure where my husband is concerned. Before my husband, no one had ever viewed me without the veil of my past. It was wonderful. However, I came to learn that in times of stress or doubt, that ugly duckling imagery would always come back. When I was pregnant, I worried constantly about my weight. When I saw my first grey hair, I thought that soon, he'd find a younger woman. When he had to start traveling for work, this came to a head. My insecurities were ratcheted up about a hundred times. This caused a huge amount of stress. Things got so bad that he eventually left and said he thought we needed to separate for a while. Of course, for someone with insecurity problems like mine, this was awful. Last night he told me very plainly that my insecurity was driving him away. I don't know what to do about this because if he would just come back, we wouldn't have this issue anyway. How do I get control over my insecurity and is this really an issue or is he just using this as an excuse?"

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