Friendly fighting might sound like an oxymoron, but as far as
relationships go, it's a necessity. The reason so many fights get so out
of hand and become so destructive, is because partners don't understand
how to fight fair. In this third installment of the four-apart series,
you will find a few more ways to keep the fighting clean.
1. Be willing to fight. Although it might sound counter-productive, arguing is normal and should be embraced... not avoided. When you argue you resolve issues before these issues really become larger than they really are and get out of hand.
2. Learn to cooperate. Fighting only ends under one condition: when a resolution is reached. If you are determined to instill your opinion on your partner, at no matter the cost, then you can bet the cost will be extremely high. No one wins an argument... the only way an argument is ever over is when one side decides to concede... either through convincing or sheer exhaustion. Until that happens, it is only a battle of hurtful words that cut deeper and deeper the longer it is allowed to continue. If you can't cooperate with your partner then you are both going to lose.
Partners are usually hesitant to show signs of co-operation because they feel as if they are giving in and, thus, losing the fight. But co-operation shouldn't be looked at as if one of you is losing... it is actually a sign that both of you are winning. Allow yourself to co-operate and your partner will be much more willing to join you in doing the same. Otherwise, you are both fighting a battle that neither one of you can possibly win.
3. Don't be so defensive. When we fight, it's all about keeping our guard up so our partner can't hurt us. But when our guard is up it also means we are not as open to reasoning. When we are defensive it also means we are more interested in proving ourselves right than letting our partner try to prove us wrong. But you have to face the fact that sometimes you are wrong. If you happen to be wrong in this instance, then being called out on it isn't the end of the world.
Let your guard down long enough to see your partner's point and see if you are the one out of line this time.
1. Be willing to fight. Although it might sound counter-productive, arguing is normal and should be embraced... not avoided. When you argue you resolve issues before these issues really become larger than they really are and get out of hand.
2. Learn to cooperate. Fighting only ends under one condition: when a resolution is reached. If you are determined to instill your opinion on your partner, at no matter the cost, then you can bet the cost will be extremely high. No one wins an argument... the only way an argument is ever over is when one side decides to concede... either through convincing or sheer exhaustion. Until that happens, it is only a battle of hurtful words that cut deeper and deeper the longer it is allowed to continue. If you can't cooperate with your partner then you are both going to lose.
Partners are usually hesitant to show signs of co-operation because they feel as if they are giving in and, thus, losing the fight. But co-operation shouldn't be looked at as if one of you is losing... it is actually a sign that both of you are winning. Allow yourself to co-operate and your partner will be much more willing to join you in doing the same. Otherwise, you are both fighting a battle that neither one of you can possibly win.
3. Don't be so defensive. When we fight, it's all about keeping our guard up so our partner can't hurt us. But when our guard is up it also means we are not as open to reasoning. When we are defensive it also means we are more interested in proving ourselves right than letting our partner try to prove us wrong. But you have to face the fact that sometimes you are wrong. If you happen to be wrong in this instance, then being called out on it isn't the end of the world.
Let your guard down long enough to see your partner's point and see if you are the one out of line this time.
Do you fight fairly? Do you treat your partner the way you want
to be treated in a heated discussion? If not, what destructive emotions
are at the heart of any problems you are experiencing with your
relationship?
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Beverleigh_H_Piepers
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
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