When it comes to intimate relationships, couples are going to
fight. Even though it might not seem natural to fight with the one you
love... that's just the way it is. But instead of resisting it, you
should embrace it. Why? Because fighting is not only natural but it's
incredibly healthy too, because it allows you to resolve issues before
they turn into something much more serious that could cause you both to
want to end the relationship and head off in separate directions.
In this first part of a four-part series, we look at a few simple rules that it would be wise to follow to ensure you keep the fighting clean and friendly:
1. Stay on subject. Fighting should only be reserved for the subject at hand and not as a platform to bring up every discrepancy that has ever occurred in the relationship. If you see a fight brewing involving a specific subject, do not allow yourself to bring in other issues unless these other issues can be directly (key word here), linked to the problem.
What often happens is a fight begins and it turns into open season to hash out:
Bringing up this kind of extensive history just isn't fair and has no relevance to the current argument. A partner will tend to initiate this type of unfair fighting when they either want to hurt their partner, or as a way of trying to even things out if they feel they might be losing the argument.
2. Keep your voice down. What typically happens in arguments, is the more intense the fighting becomes... the louder the fighting becomes. It's much more difficult to fight with someone when they talk in a normal tone. If one partner continues to maintain a softer tone throughout the fight, there is a very good chance their partner will begin to lower their voice in order to match it.
It's harder to fight with someone who won't yell back at you, so don't give your partner the opportunity to do this. If you continue to yell even though your partner isn't, it makes you look like you are being unreasonable for nothing. Keeping your voice down allows you to stay in control and keeps the fight from escalating into a useless, offensive, screaming match. It also helps keep the discussion clean without any of those mean, hurtful words being said.
In this first part of a four-part series, we look at a few simple rules that it would be wise to follow to ensure you keep the fighting clean and friendly:
1. Stay on subject. Fighting should only be reserved for the subject at hand and not as a platform to bring up every discrepancy that has ever occurred in the relationship. If you see a fight brewing involving a specific subject, do not allow yourself to bring in other issues unless these other issues can be directly (key word here), linked to the problem.
What often happens is a fight begins and it turns into open season to hash out:
- every flaw,
- mistake,
- ill-spoken word,
- wrong action, and
- irrational thought
Bringing up this kind of extensive history just isn't fair and has no relevance to the current argument. A partner will tend to initiate this type of unfair fighting when they either want to hurt their partner, or as a way of trying to even things out if they feel they might be losing the argument.
2. Keep your voice down. What typically happens in arguments, is the more intense the fighting becomes... the louder the fighting becomes. It's much more difficult to fight with someone when they talk in a normal tone. If one partner continues to maintain a softer tone throughout the fight, there is a very good chance their partner will begin to lower their voice in order to match it.
It's harder to fight with someone who won't yell back at you, so don't give your partner the opportunity to do this. If you continue to yell even though your partner isn't, it makes you look like you are being unreasonable for nothing. Keeping your voice down allows you to stay in control and keeps the fight from escalating into a useless, offensive, screaming match. It also helps keep the discussion clean without any of those mean, hurtful words being said.
What emotions are at the heart of any problems you are
experiencing with your relationship? Do you try to hurt you partner when
you have a disagreement, or do you stay on track and deal with the
problem at hand?
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Beverleigh_H_Piepers
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
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