Since fighting is almost always inevitable in most intimate
relationships, its important to learn how to fight in a friendly manner.
In this second part of a four-part series we discuss some ways to keep
the fighting fair once it begins:
1. Ask your partner to be specific about what they are trying to tell you. Instead of using exaggerated terms such as "never, "always", etc., ask them to be as specific as possible so you can see just how deep their emotions are about the subject. When you take out these extreme terms and use more precise and accurate analogies, you get a much clearer sense of the point they are trying to make.
You really know you are both using these exaggerated terms because you are both upset... so take them out of the equation.
2. Look for common ground. Arguments are usually based on two different opinions on a topic. But there is usually at least some common ground the two of you can agree on... even if it is a small point. Find that ground and show your partner the entire argument is not completely split down the middle.
Showing some concession will show them you are doing your best to understand their point of view and this will help them to lower their guard. If they see you are trying to see their side, they will try harder to see your point of view also.
3. Listen to what your partner is saying. This is a real problem... because when we fight we are only interested in one thing and one thing only: being heard. We become so wrapped up in making our point and having our partner see how right we are, we forget to listen to what they have to say about the matter.
Our partner has just as much to contribute to a fight as we do, and they deserve just as much time and consideration to state their case, as we do. Regardless of who starts a fight, it is important to allow both sides to be heard or it can't really be considered a fair fight. But the most important part of this is not only to hear them... but to actually listen to what it is they have to say. Chances are good their input will shed a whole new light on the subject. Allow them to be as passionate to be heard as you are.
1. Ask your partner to be specific about what they are trying to tell you. Instead of using exaggerated terms such as "never, "always", etc., ask them to be as specific as possible so you can see just how deep their emotions are about the subject. When you take out these extreme terms and use more precise and accurate analogies, you get a much clearer sense of the point they are trying to make.
You really know you are both using these exaggerated terms because you are both upset... so take them out of the equation.
2. Look for common ground. Arguments are usually based on two different opinions on a topic. But there is usually at least some common ground the two of you can agree on... even if it is a small point. Find that ground and show your partner the entire argument is not completely split down the middle.
Showing some concession will show them you are doing your best to understand their point of view and this will help them to lower their guard. If they see you are trying to see their side, they will try harder to see your point of view also.
3. Listen to what your partner is saying. This is a real problem... because when we fight we are only interested in one thing and one thing only: being heard. We become so wrapped up in making our point and having our partner see how right we are, we forget to listen to what they have to say about the matter.
Our partner has just as much to contribute to a fight as we do, and they deserve just as much time and consideration to state their case, as we do. Regardless of who starts a fight, it is important to allow both sides to be heard or it can't really be considered a fair fight. But the most important part of this is not only to hear them... but to actually listen to what it is they have to say. Chances are good their input will shed a whole new light on the subject. Allow them to be as passionate to be heard as you are.
Learn about yourself... what rules do you follow when you fight
with your partner? Are destructive emotions at the heart of some of the
words you use when having a heated discussion? Are you able to behave
the way you want your partner to behave?
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Beverleigh_H_Piepers
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
No comments:
Post a Comment